The Suicidal Machine

bleh :d

2006-09-10T10:14:00.000-05:00

Holy shit it's been a long time since posting here.

I know there isn't one person who reads this so I'm like, fuck it, this is kinda just a personal journal anyway. One of those single blips of noise in the sea of blogging.

Well, I'll keep updating as long as I can, I might think of something one day that will make me famous... or not.

The amount of people commenting on my blog almost makes me think there's something to Solipsism

------------
=+Music+=
Mindless Self Indulgence - "Molly"

>molly was a good girl and she knew the reasons why
>so when she went back in the bathroom she would never come
>outside she was a good girl and it felt great to be a liar
>she was a good girl and it felt great to be a liar

=+Mood+=
bleh :d

Patent Infringment?

2006-04-28T18:41:00.000-05:00

Patent Infringment?
Originally uploaded by jijinmachina.

Kinda funny actually

I heart DXM

2006-04-23T13:21:00.000-05:00

I <3 DXM
Originally uploaded by jijinmachina.

Fooly Cooly Like I Do

2006-04-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

------------
=+Music+=
A Perfect Circle - "The Outsider (Apocalpyse) Mix"
From: Work Libary

=+Mood+=
Hungry and pissed off at people and policies @ work

Ghost in the Blood

2006-04-17T10:26:00.000-05:00

------------
=+Music+=
Dirty Vegas - "Days Go By"
From: Library

=+Mood+=
Tired

NIIIIIIIIICE

2006-04-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

[via AppleInsider]

When 9-year-old Shea O'Gorman and her third-grade class began learning about writing business and formal letters, she thought who better to write to than the chief executive of the company that makes her iPod nano.

In her letter to Mr. Jobs, little Shea offered her ideas on how the company could improve on its iPod digital music players, such as adding song lyrics so listeners can sing along to their tunes.

After waiting nearly three months, Shea finally received a reply from Apple's Cupertino, Calif.-based headquarters, and the entire family gathered around to read it.

To the dismay of Shea and her family, the letter wasn't from Mr. Jobs. It was from Mark Aaker, Senior Council of the company's Law Department, telling the third-grader that Apple doesnt accept unsolicited ideas, so she should not send them her suggestions and if she wants to know why, she could read their legal policy posted on the Internet.

"She was very upset, and kinda threw the letter up in the air and ran in her room and slammed her door," the girl's mother told CBS 5 News.

Of course, Apple's policy was instated to protect the company -- and anyone who submits ideas to the company -- from ending up in a costly legal spat if similar ideas are ever adopted into future Apple products. However, you'd think the handwriting of a 9-year-old may have drawn company's lighter side.

Apple reportedly decline to comment on the mishap, but the company's General Council placed a personal call to Shea to apologize following a CBS 5 News inquiry.

It was also reported that Apple held a meeting this past Wednesday in which it discussed ways that it could amend its corporate policy when dealing with children.

------------
=+Mood+=
Tired and cranky

Quack

2006-04-15T15:28:00.000-05:00

Quack
Originally uploaded by jijinmachina.

Fuzzy

2006-04-14T14:32:00.000-05:00

Fuzzy
Originally uploaded by jijinmachina from his cell phone.

The Suicidal Machine now with flickr photo stream!! I got it to work YEA!

HACK.in.the.box

2006-04-08T23:01:00.000-05:00

------------
=+Music+=
See above

=+Mood+=
Psyched

AT&T forwards all Internet traffic into NSA

2006-04-08T09:21:00.000-05:00

"More than just threatening individuals' privacy, AT&T's apparent choice to give the government secret, direct access to millions of ordinary Americans' Internet communications is a threat to the Constitution itself. We are asking the Court to put a stop to it now," said Bankston.

read more | digg story

Boot Camp stealing thunder from 10.5?

2006-04-06T00:27:00.000-05:00

I have a question for Apple.

Is the whole Boot Camp thing the only thunder for 10.5 Leopard? That is, other then some smaller functionality features. I say, I hope not.

See here's the thing, Apple decided to forgo EFI BIOS compatibility in the new Intel chip systems upon release, but as it's EFI it could be flashed in later. Therefore, they could have created "artificial" thunder for 10.5 by leaving the compatibility out until the Steve Job's MacWorld release announcement for 10.5. Can you imagine if the OnMac project did not exist and there was this huge need for Windows on Mac, MacWorld '07 is upon us.

Steve Jobs walks out on stage and says "I've got great news... With 10.5... Windows now boots on a Mac...And it ships today."

I'd go as far as saying he would get a standing ovation.

For validity to that statement, think about this, when has Apple EVER released a public Beta test?

As an aside, some people have said that this strengthens the validity of a virtualization option in 10.5. I think it does too as WinXP cannot read from HFS+ drive/partitions, and you need an intstalled copy of WinXP anyway to virtualize it. So this might be not totally stealing the thunder of 10.5.

I guess what I'm saying is, did Apple purposefully keep this boot loader from people? Just something to think about.

------------
=+Music+=
Covenant - "On World One Sky"
From: Home Library

=+Mood+=
Applethetic ;)

Apple Dual Boot Camp Beta Announced

2006-04-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

FuckSticks this is sweet

More and more people are buying and loving Macs. To make this choice simply irresistible, Apple will include technology in the next major release of Mac OS X, Leopard, that lets you install and run the Windows XP operating system on your Mac. Called Boot Camp (for now), you can download a public beta today

read more | digg story

Does trusted computing involve trust?

2006-04-01T17:23:00.000-06:00

------------

=+Music+=
Mind.In.A.Box - "Change"
From: Work Library

=+Mood+=
Wanting to get home to edit another AMV

Another Apology

2006-03-26T14:45:00.000-06:00

An Apology From The "Outlaw Fringe" [via BlastedReality]

is a response to

An Apology To Older Americans [via The Suicidal Machine]

which is a response to

An Apology To Younger Americans [via Progressive Review]

Reverend X, sorry I didn't notice the post earlier.
Clever...

The riot-on-tv thing is good. I hope we can get a meme going...

------------
=+Music+=
Mindless Self-Indulgence - "I Hate Jimmy Page"
From: Work Library

=+Mood+=
*sigh*

I made this too

2006-03-21T00:55:00.000-06:00

------------
=+Music+=
Nothing

=+Mood+=
Tired

I did this!!!

2006-03-19T11:49:00.000-06:00

------------
=+Music+=
Fischerspooner - "Just Let Go"
From: Work Library

=+Mood+=
Crazy good3

Proof God is Evil

2006-03-18T15:18:00.000-06:00

Proof God is Evil

wow, just wow... an excerpt:

"This will presumably initiate the "freewill defense" and subsequent discussion but God's failure to intervene and stop evil can be viewed as an evidence for his evil nature. Suppose there is a painter driving down a road in his truck which has a ladder in the back. The painter sees a woman and her baby trapped on the second floor leaning out the window of a burning building. Does not moral goodness require that he stop and assist this woman? As we have seen billions of times throughout history, God simply keeps on driving."

------------
=+Music+=
Anitmatrix Soundtrack - "Super Moves"
From: Work Music Library

=+Mood+=
Busy

I'm motived more now

2006-02-21T09:12:00.000-06:00

So if christian music sucks... what does scientology music do?

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/02/music_by_l_ron_.html [mad snaps goto: MEATSWORTH]

myspace sucks... but is the most used

2006-01-23T15:36:00.000-06:00

I have become a myspace prostitute...

http://www.myspace.com/jijinmachina

------------
=+Music+=
:wumpscut: - "Wreath of Barbs"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
Holy burning hand of wrath
Piercing forever through the heart
And this flaming orbit of shame
Ravages and splits the path

Grinding binding taking away
Needles above the prey
Wreath of barbs

The injection of religion
Has a comalike effect
And bodies lay in decay
Dreaming of a greener day

Grinding binding taking away
Needles above the prey
Wreath of barbs

Open eyes reading nothing
A sky harsh blue grins black

And I bleed and bleed in this wreath of barbs

Fuck Xmas

2005-12-25T19:20:00.000-06:00

Fuck xmas

I hate this holiday.

------------
=+Music+=
Switchblade Symphony - "Naked Birthday"
From: My Library

=+Mood+=
Shitty

Halloween

2005-10-31T17:23:00.000-06:00

Happy Holloween!!

------------
=+Music+=
Velvet Acid Christ - "Pretty Toy"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
"You'll never understand how much hearing other people scream gets me off...
...hearing thier screams and knowing, I, have the power of a god."

Love your teddy...

2005-10-28T02:15:00.000-05:00

Take your teddy on vacation

...only US$181...

*sniffle* please

------------
=+Music+=
BT - "The Force of Gravity (Tiësto Mix)"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
x.X

w00t!!! I did it!

2005-10-28T00:50:00.000-05:00

I got OSx86 to work in VMWare... woohoo!

Excuse me if I sound excited about nothing as this has been able to be done for quite some time. :P

------------
=+Music+=
Bjork - "Army Of Me (Bersarinplatz Mix Beats Beyond)"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
"You're on your own now...we won't save you"

Atheism

2005-10-22T18:31:00.000-05:00

You fit in with:
Atheism

Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people.

100% scientific.
60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

------------
=+Music+=
Mindless Self-Indulgence - "Molly (Pull's kHz Mix)"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
Randy

My dad's dead....Fuck it.

2005-09-14T21:08:00.000-05:00

god speed dad

Sevendust - Damaged

Did it you hurt yourself
Couldn't you wash the blood away
Did it you love yourself
Couldn't you see the truth
Did you wake to see the light
Couldn't you hear the truth

God you're so shameless
Stand up to me I know what you'll say
God you're so shameless
Why don't you wake up and stop all the pain

How could you really know as your blood flows
The damage left inside
If you should ever see the pain in me
You'd wish it away

Didn't you hurt yourself
Didn't you love yourself
Couldn't you find yourself
Such a shame it's a waste of a life
Couldn't you save yourself

How could you really know

How could you really know as your blood flows
The damage left inside
If you should ever see the pain in me
You'd wish it away

------------
=+Music+=
Sevendust - "Damaged"
From: Personal Library

=+Mood+=
read the fucking lyrics provided

PS. Dy, thanks for asking if I even wanted to be in the obituary, I didn't really want to be, but you could have at least asked.

Low place like home

2005-07-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry that I haven't blogged lately....I hope that my tens of readers are still around. I am now in Warren Ohio, approx. 1500 miles from home in Austin Texas.

Here is a writing of mine of recent. I am going to be blogging more now that I have a computer and a net connect.

Here it is:

This is a letter written to no one, yet to all, and as most all my writings are suicide notes in some way or another, this one will be no exception.

Right now I'm not doing good mentally, which you will probably figure out due to my confession about this being a suicide note.

Matt (my brother) has almost the same problems, only bigger, that I did during the same formidable teen years, which tears me apart. Seeing him get fucked up on pills, alcohol, acid, weed, you name it, is even harder. I know no amount of yelling nor lecturing will help him, but it's all I can do, so he hates me for it. To some extent, I see him as my son, to another extent he is a stranger hurting everybody around me. So I am torn between a fuck up son who has great potential, a suicidal friend, a brother who is much more able then me, and a stranger hurting myself and my family in almost a ritualistic pattern.

Tom (my dad) has hurt me deeper then I even realize yet and I feel like I have to get back at him by not talking to him, even though in my gut it's the thing I most want to do. He is activly dying so every decision I make is magnified ten-fold, all while being passviely scrutinized by family and friends. In these two plus months I have figured out that I love him and hate him concurrently, that I constantly want to give him my trust but he can never hold it, that my personal super man is falible more then just physically, and in a few months I wil never see him again.

Dyana (my step-mom) is the only person I have a healthy relationship with who I consider my peer. We have not been talking lately, which is causeing me to vent to Amber, who unfortunately has her own problems now.

I had an uncle die recently, and I considered him and Tom to be very much alike. His funeral hit home and has affected me as a death of my dad would.

Now for myself. The more I think about it and figure it out the more I realize that Asperger's Syndrome rules my life. I am tried of using all of my social bag of tricks to make and keep a friend. I'm tired of only making friends through other people. Because when I do make a friend through another person, that person gets jealous. I'm tired of hurting people. I would rather hurt everyone for a relativly short period of time, then to stay alive until I'm 80 hurting everyone. I hate the hypocracy that is rampant, the image maintanence, and the consumerism. I hate my paranoias, lack of understanding social situations, and I'm tired, just tired.

-jijinmachina

------------
=+Music+=
Mind.In.A.Box - "Lost Alone"

=+Mood+=
Homesick

Respect my AUTHORITHAI!

2005-05-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

http://www.planearium2.de/flash/spstudio.html

heh and that is comedy too

------------
=+Music+=
Something Amber is listening to.

=+Mood+=

No dice...

2005-05-07T14:51:00.000-05:00

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

This survey is completely scientific. Despite the mind-boggling complexity of mankind, the billions of distinctly different personalities found on Earth can easily be divided into seven simple categories that correspond to the five Platonic solids, a pseudo polyhedron, and whatever the hell a d100 is. The results of this quiz should be considered not only meaningful but also infallible, and pertinent to your success as a fully realized individual. If you feel the results of this examination do not match your perceived personality, you should take whatever drastic measures are needed to cram your superego back into proper alignment, as described by the quiz results.

And if you believe that, we have some really great critical-hit insurance to sell you.

^That is comedy

------------
=+Music+=
Mindless Self Indulgence - "Tornado (live)"
From: My Personal Library

=+Mood+=
[evillaff]hehehehehehehehe[/evillaff]

Mind Experiment Scenario

2005-05-05T05:14:00.000-05:00

This is a repost from another earlier post.

It's important to me and I'll try to keep it at the top looking for comments on my subject.

Mind Experiment Scenario: You are very adamant about a subject about a topic that society is decidedly against. You can make good valid arguments about the subject, as well as it supporting subjects. You know however the only way to get a little respect as a valid thinker on the topic is to publicly proport as a follower of this ideology. This means you will be immediately ostracized from society AND FROM YOUR FAMILY due to the stigma. Do you do what you think in your heart is right and be a spokesman; or do you lie down to society's wishes?

------------
=+Music+=
Hum - "Click...Click...Click...ClickClick"
From: My Harddrive

=+Mood+=
Tired

An Apology to Older Americans.

2005-05-04T19:45:00.000-05:00

In response to: An Apology to Younger Americans - Sam Smith

An Apology to older americans.

By Jason Brown

First of all, I would like to thank you Sam Smith, and on behalf of the younger population of America, we accept your apology.

I am also approaching my birthday, it will be my 25th. As I was reading your apology, the fact came to mind that the youth is also responsible for grievances which require an apology. To define "youth", I will for the sake of argument, define it similar to your definition. Any person between 15 and 40 years old on 9/11/2001. Many of these individuals are also deemed "Generation X".

As many of us were not even at a legal age during this time there is probably not much legally can be done if older americans began a tribunal tomorrow. Although, I would concede that it maybe well within your right to try us as adults for some offenses. As I do not currently earn enough, I cannot hire a lawyer to ask them such things. Therefore, I am assuming the above statements to be legally true, and this apology as legally binding yours is.

So, to stop beating around the bush, so to speak, I humbly offer these apologies on behalf of younger americans.

First and foremost, I apologize for not constantly questioning the authority that older americans have exerted over us.

I apologize for taking our damned time learning the lessons that many older americans made available to us during the 1960s.

A sense of regret is felt for producing "Gay Republicans".

For any time one of us abused the power older americans had given us to protect ourselves, such as threating to call child protective services on the simple insinuation of being "grounded", I'm sorry.

I am embarrassed at the amount of reading that takes place, and for not attempting to educate ourselves when the public school system broke down.

Please excuse the appalling lack of attention we give anything, the same goes for the lack of detail when we do something.

I am embarrassed at OUR abuse of the english language, this is to include replacing letters for $ymbo|s and r4nd0m numbers, continuing the cApiTaL letter problem, overuse of contractions, and shortening of words to single letters (eg Hi, how r u?).

A sense of even deeper embarrassment is felt for thrusting upon the world Teletubbies, Blue's Clues, Pokemon, and DragonBall Z.

For one main way we have decided to distribute news, the blog, I apologize that it had to be in a format so personally skewed that many people think that the facts are mostly made of "opinions".

Sorry for our abuse of the only phone line in the house, even when we know there maybe somebody important calling, this may seem minor to some, but in my house it got bad.

I apologize for not voting like I should.

I am sorry for continually buying into the "cool" you are selling us, and creating our own commercial "cool". Oh and for MTV, I am really sorry for MTV.

Accept my apologies for our portion of the military not laying down and refusing to goto a war we know is not for the reasons we are told. Also, for not remembering the words "enemies foreign and domestic".

I apologize for purchasing all the really shitty music, for all the self-absorbed rap, the 3 chord pop-rock songs, annoyingly repetitive electronic music, the boy bands, the girl bands, and for not making music of any kind that simply allows you to tap your toe.

Now that a majority of our part is out of the way, I will join you in humanity's constant quest to become a better version of ourselves. We will do our best to clean the mess up and find a solution for further generations that is not as destructive.

------------
=+Music+=
Mindless Self Indulgence - "Thank God"
From: Music Library

=+Mood+=
Apologetic

Advert on the forehead

2005-05-04T15:57:00.000-05:00

I maybe a little behind the curve here... but SWEET CHRIST! (by the way both of these sold on ebay)

An advert on the forehead

Thank god ingenuity won out.

Forehead ad-filter

------------
=+Music+=
DJ Fanboy - "Starfighter DJ Set"
From: Music Library

=+Mood+=
Upset stomach

Mayday... Mayday... Mayday...

2005-05-01T14:00:00.000-05:00

YAY!

Do your fucking happy celebrating already, May Day is here!

One of the few good holidays for the people. It signifies spring, new beginnings, and people dancing around a maypole. The whole maypole thing may sound outdated, but it still happens in many countries, which is used for a variety of reasons, mainly to bring the community together.

In 1886 a gathering of striking workers was organized by labor unions. They were striking/protesting for the 8 hour workday. A riot broke out, a bomb went off, which led to violence, and the shooting of a protester by a policemen. The demonstration is now dubbed The Haymarket Riots

In 1887 there was a movement to commemorate the day on behalf of labor making a holiday on May 1. Oh wait... no Grover Cleveland made sure that wasn't going to happen. He decided to not use that day because he didn't want the socialist connotations that came with the Haymarket Riots

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labour_Day
http://flag.blackened.net/daver/anarchism/mayday.html

The hijacking of the collective Our holidays has always been a hot button topic for me so I guess I'll rant and rave like the internet lunatic you people think I am.

Here's a list of the holidays I am fucking pissed about:

Christmas - Not because it's christian, it's because it has been fucking commercialized, like too many other things the American cesspool spawned trans-national corporations got their hands on.
Hanukkah - Because the jews are allowing this to become the same thing that Christmas has.
Labor Day - The fake one, on September 5. It weakens the power inherent in the Haymarket riots.
St. Patrick's Day The day is mostly Beer/Liquor fluff. I am Irish, in fact, 100% if not more. But this holiday is outta-hand.

Grrrrr.... sorry even thinking about them pisses me off.

So remember then fallen of the Haymarket riots, and those who have fought in the workers behalf.

Happy May Day. Celebrate the fact that things can still change for the better.

------------
=+Music+=
Limp Bizkit - "Counterfeit"
Fuck you, I liked their first album.

=+Mood+=
Bladder... full... must ... go... awww shit. brb

Wal-Fart

2005-04-29T10:56:00.000-05:00

This post is in response to things said in this article: Bruised in Bentonville

Thank you people of California for passing the Environmental Quality Act.

So I have a question, "Scott"; Wal-Fart is compared to the the automobile or the light bulb how? Comparing a retailer to any new technology that changes the way people think. Is like...OH! I got it. You have enabled your customes to be dumber then most of the furniture you sell. This has enabled you to start createing private labels (like President's Choice and No Name), for cheaper then anything that US can provide so you begin sending the manufactoring to China. Which closes companies based in the US, which in turn closes the maufactoring plants, which means manufactoring layoffs (including all the executive, marketing, PR, secretary, legal, mailroom, IT, trucking, customer service, and janitorial jobs).

I am an socio-anarchist. I do not think any body should be higher then the populace. However, if the populace wants a republic then that is ok with me. It just needs to watch what it allows people to do. As is the case of Wal-Fart, the people you and I are not watching these huge "Corpeople". Corporations are considered "people" and are protected under the 14th amendment, and that I think is the thing that needs to change.

The way socitey should be:
Thucydides: Pericles' Funeral Oration

URLs for anti Wal-Fart sites:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/walmart/
http://www.walmart-foundation.org/
http://forum.walmartsucks.com/
http://walmartwatch.com/
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/77/walmart.html
http://www.walmartversuswomen.com/
http://www.wal-martlitigation.com/
http://www.walmartclass.com/walmartclass94.pl
http://www.walmartsucks.org/
http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/
http://www.wakeupwalmart.com/
http://www.walmartworkersneo.com/ (NE Ohio is one of those places dear to my heart)

The images in this blog post are licensed under this Creative Commons License.

------------
=+Music+=
Unwelcome Guests - "Peak Oil, Relocalization and the New Agrarian Movement (Ep 251)"
From: a-Infos Radio Project ( hxxp://www.radio4all.net )

=+Mood+=
Annoyed

Progress

2005-04-28T20:21:00.000-05:00

Same shit, same smell, different week.

I was off from work yesterday and wrote this while my spinach lasagna was cooking:

We live in a time of uncertainty, but one of promise. I mean, sweet christ, we have people in space 24/7 now, a bipedal self propelled robot, you can hold a conversation with somebody 24/7 that may or may not like you, make music using your brain as the instrument, control the weather, can send holograms, we have created marketable movies based on computer graphics alone, extremely close to massive amount of cheap clean power, getting better at space flights, and many many other good oddities that 20 (within my lifetime) years ago could only be found in a sci-fi comic book.

Yet I don't think these things will be where the crux of where the good progress lies. I think it's in projects like Wikimedia, Creative Commons, Open Source, Folding@Home, and other distributed/peer to peer type of information leaping.

I term it "Information Leaping". Storing data in a form that is quickly editable by anybody, quickly creating a new form of the data. Thereby, not having to re-invent the "wheel" 15 times, or even asking the person that created the "wheel" if a change would be necessary. Anyway, gotta run.

Man this post has some serious linkage.

------------

=+Music+=
Mind.In.A.Box - "Lost Alone 2"
From: Personal Music Library

=+Mood+=
Upset (I was somewhat red-green color blind and recently I have been losing more and more red.)

Will work for viewpoints

2005-04-27T17:58:00.000-05:00

As you can tell I have been adding a lot of stuff to this place, filling it out a bit, adding the random quote thing on the side... etc etc... I know it's small changes but you know how that goes... baby steps

If anybody reading this knows of a random quote generator script/blogger hack that doesn't have to sit in the page and can be accessed from another place then I'd be grateful. I'll officially make you one of my commandcenter minions for when I destroy the world.

I have a few ideas and I'm not sure on them... I guess could ask about them, but do it so I get advice without divulging info.

Mind Experiment Senario: You are very adamant about a subject about a topic that society is decidedly against. You can make good valid arguments about the subject, as well as it supporting subjects. You know however the only way to get a little respect as a valid thinker on the topic is to publicly proport as a follower of this ideology. This means you will be immediately ostracize from society due to the stigma. Do you do what you think in your heart is right and be a spokesman; or do you lie down to society's wishes?

I really need a good amount of viewpoints on this to make a decision, so please comment on this. Thanks.

------------

=+Music+=
Terence Martin - "Folding Chairs"
From: FolkAlley.com

=+Mood+=
Undecided

My Da

2005-04-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

My Da is a great man. I wish people were more like him. Funny, intelligent, loving in his way, and did I mention funny?

He had been diagnosed with cancer about 6 or so months ago. This was devastating, but no quite as much as finding out that my Da didn't want me by his side. I now understand why he didn't want me to go from Austin TX to Youngstown OH, as I did need to take care of things down here.

Now, he has had a complication with the type of cancer he has, superior vena cava syndrome.

An excerpt from the link above concerning mortality:

In contrast, patients with untreated malignant SVCS survive only approximately 30 days.

The Docs cannot treat it, it'd cause too many other complications. So 30 days.

Needless to say, I am smashed...[pout]

So I'm taking a greyhound from Austin TX to Youngstown OH, it'll take awhile about a day, but I don't care...

I just want to see him and give him a huge hug.

I need an addiction

2005-04-26T16:35:00.000-05:00

I sooo need some type of addiction.. I mean something healthy.. like Viagra or even a bit o' the rock. Yea, healthy.

No really, these addictions need to be handled before they handle me:
drugs (this is both legal and illegal, to include caffeine, nicotine, THC, DXM, and others)
pr0n
internet
news
P2P filesharing

Addictive substances should always be kept at some kind of arms length, but that's the struggle I guess...

Somebody please reply to this, as I want to know if there really little gnomes behind bright glass or if the gnomes are all a figment of an overactive imagination.

"Awake" - Assemblage 23

2005-04-16T14:09:00.000-05:00

Awake - Assemblage 23

I am lost
The footprints that I left have disappeared
For now I am driving blind

Accelerate
Without a destination to welcome me
This road is just an endless loop

Every time I close my eyes
The noise inside me amplifies
I can't escape
I relive every moment of the day
Every misstep I have made
Finds a way it can invade
My every thought
And this is why I find myself awake

Directionless
The letters on the signs have long since faded
The sky conspires to swallow me

Paid the price
For burning all the maps to warm myself
I threw their ashes to the wind

Every time I close my eyes
The noise inside me amplifies
I can't escape
I relive every moment of the day
Every misstep I have made
Finds a way it can invade
My every thought
And this is why I find myself awake

Walk away
Time to leave the realm of the familiar
To find a place where sleep can come

Hesitate
For one last time I shout into the sky
To wake the ones I'll leave behind

Every time I close my eyes
The noise inside me amplifies
I can't escape
I relive every moment of the day
Every misstep I have made
Finds a way it can invade
My every thought
And this is why I find myself awake

----------------------------------------------

That sounds exactly like the way my mind works...

I recently saw them at Elysium which was their Austin show.

One sentence:

Assemblage 23 is the best musical group in the world.

Buy their CDs.. buy their T-shirts... tell your friends to go see the show. In closing, I like Assemblage 23.

What Pisses You Off?

2005-03-03T14:30:00.000-06:00

What Pisses You Off?

check it out

pretty funny

The razor of love

2005-02-23T10:28:00.000-06:00

The razor of love....

There is a priciple in science called "Occam's Razor", it states:

"Pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate" [Eng trans. "Plurality should not be posited without necessity.]

In a more general sense it is a process which leaves only the hypotheses which assume the least. Applied to love, specifically the love I feel for my girlfriend, it gets a bit complicated.

According to Occam's Razor I must choose the simplest explanations for the feelings I experience for Amber. So far, I have these few:

I love her because she loves me. (1 assumption; "Amber loves me")
I love her because I can see myself with her for a very long time. (2 assumptions; "I will live a long time" and "We will always be together")
I love her because she would make a wonderful mother. (3 assumptions; "I am able to create a child", "Amber is able to create a child", "Amber wants to have a child")
I love her because consider her a beautiful person. (0 assumptions)

It would seem as though the only two hypotheses that can be vaild are 1 and 4. Strictly speaking the only hypothesis that is valid would be 4.

So I guess there it is, putting my piercingly logical mind to the conumdrum of my love of Amber, I come to this answer.

I love Amber because I consider her a beautiful person.

Again I say, I am her fanboy or if you will otaku.

Love j00 Amber

playwithyourself.co.uk

2005-02-17T00:20:00.000-06:00

Masturbation Database

When all is sealed and signed

2005-02-05T15:54:00.000-06:00

Neuroticfish - Prostitute

This is not a noble game
It's also not the price of fame
Expect that I may lie
About the things you have to try
You always see me from behind
Always think that I am kind
Expect that I may see
Whatever you have planned for me

When all is sealed and signed
You prostitute your mind
When all is sealed and signed

This is not a noble game
And I am not the one to blame
Feel free to conquer me
But what you want I'll never be
The little things you want to know
Make me big and make me grow
Expect you'll never see
The face behind my decency

When all is sealed and signed
You prostitute your mind
When all is sealed and signed

Asimo will be a weapon

2005-02-05T13:48:00.000-06:00

For my tens of readers, Asimo is a self contained bipedal robot. There are some that maintain that Honda will not create 'warbots'.

I maintain they will, there's too much money in war not to, however I also think they will eventually also sell one used for sexual gratification.

Humans... If we can't fuck it, we'll blow it up, or use it to blow up something else.

By the way, this is a photoshop hack job, not too bad, but one none the less

Evil overloards are out to get _all_ of us

2005-01-27T23:46:00.000-06:00

P2PUnite

HELP THEM

User guide: How to maintain security and anonymity

2005-01-25T14:37:00.000-06:00

/*
Created on: 11/05/04 by jijinmachina[at]yahoo[period]com
Last modified: 1/25/05 by jijnmachina[at]yahoo[period]com

This Work may be freely reproduced, distributed, transmitted, used, modified, built upon, or otherwise exploited by anyone for any purpose, commercial or non-commercial, and in any way, including by methods that have not yet been invented or conceived. However, this disclaimer, the creators name, any modifying parties names, and any contact information must be displayed physically, audibly, and/or visually in any reproduction.
*/

The further you go down this article the more secure/anon you get

Note: Any download of software on this email _is_ compatible with windows, some are only compatible in Windows environs.

\/\/\/\/\/\/Encrypt your email\/\/\/\/\/\/

First, go here:
Thunderbird

Download and install

Then, go here:
Enigmail

Download and install

Run Thunderbird

you now have a full set of GnuPG tools available under the menu item "Tools"

Note: Windows only

\/\/\/\/\/\/Hard Drive/File encryption\/\/\/\/\/\/

Goto:
TrueCrypt

Much more info on site.

_REALLY_REALLY_IMPORTANT_NOTE_: DO NOT USE ANY KIND OF STANDBY/SLEEP MODE AS THE PROCESS FOR DOING THIS IN WINDOWS WILL DUMP YOUR PASS-PHRASE INTO RAM AS ___CLEAR___TEXT___ (meaning not encrypted...you are warned)

Note: Currently, Windows only.

\/\/\/\/\/\/Proxies\/\/\/\/\/\/

A nice list of non-anon/anon proxies:
Samair Proxy List

A nice little how to for most people:
Rice.edu how to

\/\/\/\/\/\/Mixmaster Anon Remailers\/\/\/\/\/\/

Mixmasters are a great tool, especially the ones that use SSL:
Autistici.org's anon remailer

\/\/\/\/\/\/I-net Anonymity\/\/\/\/\/\/

A anon protocol for alot of thing on the I-net:
Entropy

More info on site.

\/\/\/\/\/\/Hard Drive data destruction\/\/\/\/\/\/

US DoD standard for destroying data on hard drives:
NISPOM_0195.pdf

\/\/\/\/\/\/Hard drive physical destruction\/\/\/\/\/\/

A halfway decent article:
Informit Article

\/\/\/\/\/\/Tips\/\/\/\/\/\/

If you are running a raid 1 array, use a 5.25" hot swappable drive bay. Somebody breaks in wanting data, pull that hard drive out and smash it really hard against something solid. If you are using on-the-fly encryption then not only are you making data recovery difficult by physically harming a portion of the data, when they do go and try to decrypt it, it will be missing data, which will make it 99% unrecoverable.

If you are going to be uber-secure then I recommend a one sentence security philosophy....

-Maintain your diligence, use uber-strong password/phrases, and only keep them in your head.-

New Computer

2005-01-20T11:49:00.000-06:00

Image of specs here.

My new computer, mwave.com kicks ass.

This is a testament to the saying:
"If you want something nice sacrifice for it and it will be obtainable"

I slaved for 80hrs/week for three weeks and now I have a relativly nice computer and will be getting an XBOX (no I don't have one already) and Halo 2 and a replacement PS2 (mine broke).

Be well, I hear whooping cough, a common flu, and AIDS are going around.

We are winning

2005-01-19T13:46:00.000-06:00

Vier Riech

2005-01-12T14:33:00.000-06:00

Jigga Jigga

2004-12-16T13:48:00.000-06:00

Full of light
From distant flame
There's sunlight fading
Autumn leaves in the rain
If you call I will be there
-Scooter "Jigga Jigga"

Will write more later today........

still born by Suicide Machine (me)

2004-11-30T14:10:00.000-06:00

We are the stillborn stepchildren of the future generations.
Bone-picked, death-ringed, hated, berated, losers, and freaks all.

We are the suicidal slaves.
Only wanting to fill others' graves.
Heroic to the end.
Fresh to kill again.

Rotting from the inside, but hung like a horse.
Lose something, anything, by force.
Give me a commercial or give me death.
While the rest, take a breath.

Lose your virginity before thirteen,
so you'll really be that drama queen.
But we can all become clean,
when hate is loved, and we destroy the machine.

Erm...

2004-11-27T17:51:00.000-06:00

Comment me I dare you.... bring it....

One and the same

2004-11-26T13:45:00.000-06:00

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now

Embracing you, this reality here
This one, this form I hold now
So wide-eyed and hopeful

Wide-eyed and hopefully wild
We barely remember what came before this precious moment
Choosing to be here right now, hold on, stay inside
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal, all this pain is an illusion

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now, hold on, stay inside
This holy reality
This holy experience, choosing to be here in

This body
This body holding me
Be my reminder here that
I am not alone in
This body
This body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this
Pain is an illusion

Alive!

In this holy reality
In this holy experience, choosing to be here in

This body
This body holding me
Be my reminder here that
I am not alone in
This body
This body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this
Pain is an illusion

Swirling round with this familiar parable
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and
Celebrate this chance to be
Alive and breathing, the chance to be
Alive and breathing

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

Parabol & Parabola - Tool (Tracks 6&7 on Lateralus)

----------

This song(s) is probably one of my absolute favorites.

It reminds me of a great love, the loneliness of suicide, a much needed hug, sex, depression, hope, and mourning. I have to stop myself from listening to it at times as I'll get misty. Maynard's (vocals) voice is haunting throughout. Everybody that I can see on songmeanings.com think that he is talking about something specific to them.

As I don't have many readers, probably most of you haven't heard the song. I really suggest you go out and _buy_ this CD. (Everytime you download a song illegally, God kills a kitten)

----------

I hope that all my tens of readers, if that, had a good Thanksgiving. I personally cooked for five people, how it turned into food for a medium sized outfit of Russian military, I'll never comprehend... 23lb turkey, 10lb ham, 15lbs of Mashed potatos, 3 pies, 10lb cheesecake (Amber kicks ass), and all the fixin's

My brain hurts from all the food, and leftovers for that matter. By the way, tryptophan is an urban legend. All I know is that I fell asleep, and hard, on our tile floor no less. One word: Ouch.

To play on the words of Tyler Durden ( Fight Club ): You are not your turkey, stuffing, or even your loosened belt.

Happy Shopping Day!!!!!

Love by Suicide Machine (me)

2004-11-24T10:14:00.000-06:00

I am alone
I am reviving
I am recovering
I am in the dark
I am lost
I am mislead
Take me away as only you can
Sorrow surrounds me
I was overwhelmed
I was stale
I was obsolete
I was fragile
I was forsaken
I was crippled
Take me away as only death can
Sorrow surrounds me

Feeling a bit alone

2004-11-19T11:01:00.000-06:00

Things are going great on the JB ranch, don't get me wrong.

I got my stuff yesterday :D

A new shirt and a new hat

but for some reason I feel alone...

I have a girlfriend of two years, Amber. I mean c'mon I'm still her fanboy for christ sake's. So everything is good there

...but I still feel alone...

I thought it might have to do with friends, but I have a good friend now, my roomate Hans.

...but I still feel alone...

I talk to my family in Ohio often, and for long periods of time.

...but I still feel alone...

And not the alone, in a room full of people, alone. I kinda feel like a kid trapped in a man's body and all those responsibilities, but all I want to do is play with my thoughts and ideas like toys. Which, is by the way, the only place in the world I feel comfortable.

and on that note....

I can still feel you...even so far away

2004-11-08T09:38:00.000-06:00

The Great Below - NiN

Staring at the sea
Will she come?
Is there hope for me
After all is said and done
Anything at any price
All of this for you
All the spoils of a wasted life
All of this for you
All the world has closed her eyes
Tired faith all worn and thin
For all we could have done
And all that could have been

Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say

The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear

I descend from grace
In arms of undertow
I will take my place
In the great below

I can still feel you
Even so far away

------------------

I love you Da

First Post

2004-11-07T13:37:00.000-06:00

Just trying this out for right now...

The life and times of jijin|machina a.k.a Suicidal Machine of the Gods

I have been listening to archived Sean Kennedy for the past few days and he is pretty, "switched on", as he would say. Makes alot of sense in a way...

Been extremly depressed lately. I think that may have to do with my father, who I love with my whole heart, was diagnosed with cancer and was given 8-10 months to live. Not really having that good of a time with it....

been thinking about self-cutting lately...been on my mind alot since last november

...of course I won't though...